All stars have turkeys, but they’re not for cooking.
Shanna Sullivan (OBGYN assistant) X Fred Dybal (1-Day Champ, graphic designer)
ROUND 1
Shanna’s up 1 Fred: The story goes that the pilgrims first landed at Plymouth Rock. Today, something is inscribed on that rock. What is it? “Plymouth 2.9% Financing” or “Go Red Sox, Wait ’til Next Year.“ Guess: The Date, 1620 Shanna agrees O 2 Finola: You’re a woman and you’ve just been zigzagged and buzzed and notched out. What has happed to you? “Maybe you were lucky enough to have a date with Steven Ford” Guess: You’ve had a workout Fred disagrees X (Had your hair done) 3 Rip (chicken suit): According to J Edison Price MD, on the average, a facelift will generally last a minimum of how many years? “5 Years or 50,000 smiles” Guess: 15 years Shanna disagrees O (Should’ve stuck with the 1st guess) 4 Steven to block:
John: Have you ever thought of going into politics? Steven: I don’t know, what kind of a politician would an actor make anyway? This doesn’t air in front of all the country does it?
Question: What’s the turkey trot? What you do after you eat too much turkey. Guess: A Dance Fred disagrees
Is it a dance?: Yes Is he a dummy?: HA! HA! 5 Steven to win: According to American Folklore, the legendary character once rode an Oklahoma Cyclone with a saddle. What do we call him? Guess: Paul Bunyan Shanna disagrees WIN! (Pecos Bill)
Fred starts 1 ALF: You’re having company for Thanksgiving: “It’s the holiday where you hide the eggs and soap up the windows, right?” Should you stuff your bird tonight before you go to sleep? Guess: No Fred agrees X
We interrupt this match for the 1st annual Hollywood Squares Classic. Each row is going to race to stuff their birds the fastest.
Left column makes the stuffing
Middle column does the stuffing
Last column sews up the bird
TIME OUT! Rip’s already passing to Steven. He says he already threw the eggs in. The refs agree. Alf couldn’t get the stuffing out of the box. Shirley got caught up in the sewing. And Rip, Steven and Fred are the winners.
2 Shirley: SECRET SQUARE! Which president gave us the Fair Deal? Teddy Roosevelt, Herbert Hoover or Harry Truman? Guess: Truman Shanna disagrees X (The college students in the audience knew it, too) 3 Rip to win (out of costume pretty fast): The fierce Indian Warrior Geronimo got his name from the Mexicans. What does Geronimo mean in Spanish? “Parachute Cord” Guess: Fierce Fred disagrees TIE GAME! (Jerome)
ROUND 3
Shanna 1 Edwin: Musical Question, take it away, John!
The Power of Love is a curious thing Makes one man weep, another one sing Change your heart to a little white dove
Edwin: “And That’s the News, Good Night” Guess: “And it works like you like a gift from above” Shanna disagrees O (More than a feeling, that’s the power of love) 2 Steven: What traditionally ends when someone shouts “Thank You, Mr. President!” Guess: A cabinet meeting Fred disagrees X (Presidential news conference) 3 Shirley (performing w/Pacific Symphony in near future): Tradition tells us that the Indians provided this main course for the first Thanksgiving. What was the main course? Big Macs Guess: Corn Shanna agrees “Wonderful answer” but wrong X (Venison) 4 ALF: When preparing Thanksgiving dinner, you should try to prevent something called turkey blowout. What causes it? Stuffing it with chili Guess: Cooking it too long Fred disagrees X (Overstuffing it) Anyone been there? One of the cameramen did.
Cameramen don’t have a real life, do they?
5 Rip to block: Do owls ever dance? “If their tree is on fire” Guess: No Shanna agrees WRONG! 6 Finola to win (HONK!), or just for an extra $200. Fred already has the edge. Question: What well-known legal term literally means “You Have a Body”? Guess: Quid pro quo (the only legalese she knows) Fred disagrees WIN! (Habeas Corpus)
Shanna takes home $500 and the home version of The Newlywed Game.
Fred’s winnings are up to $1,800.
After trying the Wagoneer Limited yesterday, Fred has four more choices.
Wrangler
Comanche X
Cherokee Chief
Grand Wagoneer
It’s the Red Wrangler “the fun one”. ($12,000) And two more fun ones, Shirley and Mindy, for good luck.
1…2…3…
Sorry, no room for fun. Look on the bridge side, Fred can join our Thanksgiving feast tomorrow.
Hollywood Squares is owned by King World Productions a part of CBS Media Ventures.
O DeAnn Samplee (Bakersfield, CA, sign language instructor) She gives a demonstration following John’s instructions
X Fred Dybal (3-Day Champ: $3,100)
ROUND 1-DeAnn starts
1 Chris: According to USA Today, when an executive makes coffee for his secretary, it usually indicates he is what? “Paying her rent” Guess: Intending to fire her DeAnn disagrees O (He is a secure executive) 2 Edwin: On your desk are the words to one of the most time-honored Mother Goose Rhymes. Edwin will sing it:
The Eensy Weensy spider climbed up the water spout Down came the rain and washed the spied out Out came the sunshine and dried up all the rain (ALF gags) And the Eensy weensy spider climbed up the spout again.
Question: What country were the Mother Goose stories first published? Guess: Germany Fred disagrees X (England, 1760) 3 Fred: True or False? George Washington had a half-brother named Larry who served in the British Navy. And two other brothers Curly and Moe
Guess: True DeAnn agrees O 4 Finola to block: According to Redbook Magazine, is it better for you to take long hot showers or quick warm showers? “It depends who you’re with” Guess: Quick warm showers Fred agrees X (Hot showers dry the skin) 5 Rip to block: True or false? There’s a little amusement park in Oklahoma(True! False!) …where all the attractions are based on stories from the Bible. “My favorite is Sodom and Gomorrah land” Guess: True DeAnn agrees O (DeAnn’s husband is a Baptist Minister) Fred can only block one at a time 6 Shirley to block: According to superstition, why do wedding guests throw rice at newlyweds? “Toasters are too dangerous” Guess: For good luck Fred agrees WRONG! (So they’ll have many children) 7 Shirley to win (Sorry, ALF): According to Health Magazine, if a hotel wants to keep Frank Sinatra happy, it should always have a jar of it waiting for him. A jar of what? Guess: Spaghetti sauce DeAnn disagrees WIN! (Peanut Butter)
SECRET SQUARE: Trip to Puerto Vallarta, MX (Western Airlines; Buganvillias Sheraton)
Fred starts 1 Fred (making up for being a short-tempered cook yesterday): According to the book “How to Use Colors to Sell”, customers who like red are extroverted. Customers who like yellow are intellectual. What are customers who like purple? Red(Extrovert) + Blue(Sad) = Insane people Guess: Artistic people Fred (the contestant) disagrees O 2 Chris: The early Romans brought live chickens to the table and dumped them in red wine. Why did they do this? “They wanted to drown them”| Guess: To prepare them for plucking DeAnn disagrees O (To Flavor the birds) 3 Finola to block: Does Cosmopolitan think you’ll get better service by flirting a little? Guess: Yes Fred agrees WRONG! (Flirting could be misinterpreted) 4 Finola to win: According to New Woman Magazine, do couples who sleep together get more or less sleep than when either partner sleeps alone. Guess: Less DeAnn disagrees X (Around 30 times a night) John got lost on who gets the Square. DITTO! 5 Mindy: 800 women from over 12 nations have appeared on “Facts of Life.”
…met in Washington D.C. recently. What was the #1 issue discussed? Guess: Nuclear disarmament Fred disagrees X (Lack of attention to women’s issues) 6 ALF to block: Just before Monday’s show our staff played a joke on John that the show had a new sponsor. Larva, a gag soft drink. We see the outtakes as John struggles to keep his composure. What we didn’t see is John actually drink the stuff. Did he? “That was a clip. Looked like a pilot” Guess: “No one’s that stupid, then again” DeAnn agrees, show the clip: HE DID! 6 ALF to win: “I apologize, you are that stupid” Question: What’s a finger wave? Moving your finger up and down (ALF Demonstrates) Guess: A Hairdo Fred agrees TIE GAME! (Method of setting hair) Secret Square: Edwin
ROUND 3
DeAnn starts 1 Chris (HONK!) to decide: This screen goddess of the 50s who starred in such movies as Vertigo, Pal Joey, Bell Book and Candle, recently made her debut on TV’s Falcon Crest. Who is she? Guess: Kim Novak DeAnn agrees NEW CHAMPION!
Fred’s total winnings: $3,600 and a home version of Price is Right
Are the signs with DeAnn? She picks a new key from John’s bowl. Which Jeep will she go for?
Wrangler
Comanche X
Cherokee Chief
Wagoneer Limited
Grand Wagoneer
DeAnn wants the big one, the Grand Wagoneer ($25,049). And since it’s Friday, everyone is her good luck celebrity, except ALF. He busy guzzling Larva, “I’m gonna go spin a web now”
3…2…1…VVROOM! ($25,749)
A toast to DeAnn’s first-day car win!
I wanted LARVA, DAMNIT! LARVA!
Two new contestants on Monday and these nine new celebs!
Gil Gerard (Sidekicks)
Ahmad Rashad (NBC Sports)
Brad Garrett
Pat McCormick
Arleen Sorkin (Days of Our Lives)
Bob Vila (This Old House)
Sarah Purcells (Real People)
Jose Feliciano
Betty White
Hollywood Squares is owned by King World Productions a part of CBS Media Ventures.
Host: Larry “Bud” Melman Announcer: Shadoe Stevens
Debbie Reynolds
John Davidson
Mariette Hartley
Rich Hall “Snigglets”
Gladys Knight
Andrew Stevens
New Edition
Pudgy
Milton Berle
That’s right, Melman has taken over the host bench. Two new players have taken the contestant’s podium.
X Bruce Berman O Ruth Swizlo
The game’s still the same. And there are five cars, Toyotas, any one our contestants can win.
And Let Me Tell You, There’s Nothing like a Spiffy New Sled to Impress the Babes. LAUGH
Cue Card
Okay, time to get serious. John and Bud go back to their regular positions.
ROUND 1-Starting with Ruth
1 Mariette: What recently made news when it celebrated its 350th birthday? “The line “Of course, I’ll respect you in the morning.” Guess: Saint Augustine, Florida Ruth disagrees O (Harvard University) 2 Gladys (without the Pips): A few bars from “Heard it Through the Grapevine” and then the question. True or False: The expression “Heard it Through the Grapevine” goes back to Civil War days. Guess: True (Gossip has been happening for years) Bruce agrees X (Used when telegraph wines broke onto grapevines) 3 Debbie: Among gems, nothing is harder than a diamond, but what comes after the diamond? “Whether it be a emerald, and a ruby and me, darling” (Zsa Zsa Gabor impression) Guess: Ruby Ruth agrees X (Sapphire) But come on, they’re both stronger together
4 Uncle Milty for the Win: It’s music trivia with New Edition! Here’s a song from their new album “Duke of Earl” and Milton will finish the lyric.
Duke, Duke, Duke Duke of Earl, Duke, Duke
“Change my Earl”? Guess: Milty can’t put the whole phrase together, but something about “I’ve wandered around the world” Bruce disagrees WIN! (Just “Duke of Earl”, again and again and again….)
SECRET SQUARE: Trip to Hollywood…FL (Eastern; @ Diplomat)
Ruth again 1 Mariette: According to USA Today “they take more “pie chart”” Correction: They are less likely to wear seat belts and they tend to lose control of their cars more often. Who are they? “Compulsive Overeaters” Guess: Drinkers Ruth agrees X (Smokers) 2 Gladys “Ms. Songbird”: According to Webster’s, if a singer is using an artificially produced high voice, he or she singing in what? “Very tight pants” Guess: Falsetto Bruce agrees X 3 New Edition to block: As big basketball fans, you should know this. When an official grabs his wrist and holds both arms over his head, he’s calling a holding penalty. What does it mean when he places his hands on his waist? “He lost his belt” Guess: Blocking Penalty Ruth agrees O 4 Uncle Milty: Who was Washington Irving? “George Washington’s Tailor on 46th Street” Guess: The author of Rip Van Winkle Bruce agrees X And Ruth has two spots to watch for. 5 Debbie to block: True or false? Sigmund Freud once observed that we have two basic instincts, sex and anger. Why does Zsa Zsa get all the sex questions? Guess: True Ruth disagrees WRONG! 6 Debbie to win: According to the academy of general dentistry, is it a good idea to pick your teeth? “Well, you have to be sure they fit good first” Guess: No Bruce agrees O 7 Rich to win: According to UCLA’s Health Insights, what is the main thing a sex therapist should NEVER EVER do? “Bring a Camera” Guess: Give up on you Ruth disagrees TIE GAME! (Becomes involved with a patient physically) Secret Square: Pudgy
Word of advice, Bruce: Should’ve gone with Andrew on that last one.
ROUND 3: Tie-Breaker
Bruce is up 1 Uncle Milty: According to Dear Abby, is it okay to ask someone “Have you had a facelift?” Milton was at a loss for words at one point. Guess: No Bruce disagrees O (Uncle Milty will be at the Long Beach Terrace Theater on the 15th w/Henny Youngman “A Night of a 1001 Laughs”
Mariette: Have you ever had a facelift? Milton: Oh, Shut Up!
2 Mariette: Olivia de Haviland, who just turned 70 years old, says she regrets that she never had a lasting one because it takes great wisdom to make one work. What? “A Power Mower” or “My Hair Dryer” Guess: A Relationship with a man Ruth agrees Well, the answer is marriage, so it’s not close enough? X
3 Gladys: French hunters were the first to do it. It involved a whole hog, ox or other large animal, and was usually performed in an open field. Today, it’s known as what? “You are so fresh, John” Guess: Barbecuing Bruce agrees X (From the French word for Whiskers and Tail) 4 New Edition to block: According to Ebony Magazine, what group was originally known as the Primettes? Guess: “Gladys and the Knights” or Pips Ruth agrees WRONG! (The Supremes) 5 New Edition to win HONK! or for another tie. Two young Miami (Florida) women recently paid Don Johnson $5,000 a piece, then each got to kiss him and do something else with him. What? Guess: Pose in Play Girl Bruce disagrees CHAMPION! (To be in his new music video)
Now, let’s check out those sleds, er, Toyotas.
MR2
Supra
Camry Wagon
Corolla FX-16
SR5 Truck
Bruce wants the Black Supra ($22,590) and Gladys Kinght for good luck.
1…2…3…
Nope. But he’s happy to get another chance tomorrow.
Hollywood Squares is owned by King World Productions a part of CBS Media Ventures.
X Jim Babbit (Redondo Beach, CA, general contractor) O Sheila Taylor (3-Day Champion)
The first question isn’t from John, it’s from a young fan for ALF. “Where is Melmak?” Answer: Take a left at Andromeda
Round 1
Jim first 1 ALFie: According to Webster’s dictionary, what do you call a person who wears lots of makeup, dresses in tights, is very light on his feet and makes weird gestures with his hands. “A Traffic Cop in Hollywood” Guess: A mime Jim agrees X 2 Arleen: What is that on your head? I can tell you, it’s a silver colored baseball glove and bat (“GO METS!”) Real Question: What country can we thank for giving us the turkey? Guess: Italy Sheila disagrees O (U.S., Arlene “I knew that”) 3 Charles: Young people love them, but a University of Georgia report describes them as being sexist violent and male-dominated. What are they? Pat Sajak and Vanna White Guess: Soap Operas Jim agrees O (Music Videos, Charles: Don’t call on me) 4 Tempestt: The question is about her TV brother, Malcolm Jamal-Warner. We asked Malcolm who his dream date would be. If it could be anyone in the whole world, who do you think he said? Guess: Whitney Houston Shiela disagrees Malcolm is on the phone with his answer: Janet Jackson O, and Tempestt objects. Malcolm says Whitney’s too old. 5 Christopher to block: He’s with a live penguin from Marineland. It’s called a Jackass Penguin. (Don’t read into that Christopher). What is special about jackass penguins? “It’s a penguin that still believes in the stork.” Guess: They make a noise like a jackass Jim disagrees X (Warm Weather Penguins, and Christopher can tell) 6 Ed to block: He says the network is giving him a spinoff “Corner Square”. Question: According to the Wall Street Journal, there is a habit that provides much pleasure to many young children, but it’s also gained great popularity among adults. What is t? “Having a pretty nurse take your temperature.” Guess: Thumb sucking Sheila disagrees WRONG
I don’t write ’em folks, I just read ’em.
John’s response
7 Ed to win: According to Webster’s Dictionary, is there any real difference between being dumb and being stupid? “Fooling around with your wife is stupid, getting caught is dumb.” Guess: Yes Jim agrees O 8 Zsa Zsa to win: Ms. Gabor has three wrenches on her desk. First, an open end, then a crescent, and finally a pipe wrench. As if she’s ever seen then before. Question: Which one would a plumber use on your elbow joint? “Why would he use that on me?” No, Zsa Zsa, it’s the elbow joint under the sink. Alf: “She uses them to remove her rings.” Guess: The Pipe wrench Sheila agrees WIN!
Jim’s up 1 ALFie: According to scientists at NASA, intelligent life may very well have existed there once, but very unlikely today. Where? “Network TV offices” “Only kidding. I wouldn’t bite the paw that fed me.” Guess: Mars Jim agrees X 2 Ed: Where would you have to go to see the highest peaks in North America? “The Playboy Mansion” Guess: Mt. McKinley Sheila agrees O (In Alaska) If he got it right, why’s he trying to jump. Charles: “Think of your spinoff.” 3 Tempestt: According to a survey by the Bel Air Prep School, which quality did the kids say they most want in a teacher? A) Easy to talk to B) Easy grader C) The one who gives little homework Guess: A Jim agrees X 4 Ken to block: A large gregarious colorful baboon, what’s its name? Guess: Orangutan Sheila agrees WRONG (Mandrill) 5 Ken to win: Dent, sweet, flint, pop, flower, and pod are all what? Guess: Types of rock Jim disagrees TIE GAME! (Types of corn) Secret Square: Zsa Zsa
Round 3
Sheila starts 1 ALF: What has over 600 muscles and 206 bones? “One of those fast food fish sandwiches.” For the record, Alf doesn’t eat them. “I eat the box they come in” Guess: The Human Body Sheila agrees O 2 Nell, performing at the Tropicana (horn): According to Cosmopolitan, what is the absolute worst place to have a fight? “In the delivery room” Guess: In the Bedroom Jim agrees X We’re tied at $600, Sheila holds fate in her hands. 3 Ken to decide: The great Michelangelo, was that his first name, last name or his only name? Guess: Last Name Sheila agrees X (First Name) JIM WINS!
Sheila’s Grand Total: $4,200 in Cash and Trips to NYC & St. Thomas
Car Cavalcade: ISUZU
Impulse
I-Mark Sedan
Pickup
LS Space Cab
Trooper II
“I need that truck” as he was reaching in the bowl. Jim is talking about the LS Space Cab. ($11,029) Zsa Zsa must be good luck, right.
1…2…3…
Nothing Jim: “Maybe it has a dead battery” Nice try! The bad news, he won’t be playing for that truck again. Good news, there’ll be a new set of wheels for Jim to play for. And of course, a new set of faces.
Robin Leech
Roseanne Barr
Gil Gerard
Robert Walden, Paul Regina and Brandon Maggart (from “Brothers”)
Garrett Morris (Hunter)
Jan Stephenson
Delta Burke
Joanna Kerns
Charo
Hollywood Squares is owned by King World Productions a part of CBS Media Ventures.
O DD Alton (3-Day Total: $3,800 and two trips) X Marc Stone (Los Angeles, account manager for office machines)
Round 1
1 Milton: To Dr. Ruth Westheimer, what is good sex? “At George Burns’ age, anything” Guess: Must be referring to her book. Marc agrees X 2 Lynn: According to biblical experts, it is described as a “Divine occurrence beyond the power of man”. What do we commonly call it? “The Success of Wheel of Fortune”
Guess: A Revelation DD disagrees O (A miracle) 3 Louie:
Louie: Why am I in the third tier? John: Because we want to see it wobble. Louie: Neither of us can talk.
Question: What is hippophobia? “When I’m in your backyard.” Guess: Fear of Hippos Marc disagrees X (Fear of Horses) 4 Jan-Michael to block: According to folklore, what does it mean if your ears are burning? “Your hair is on fire” Guess: You’re going to hear from an old friend DD disagrees O (Someone’s talking about you) 5 Charlotte to block:
When she plays the witch, she doesn’t use makeup.
Milton on Charlotte’s upcoming Halloween special
Question: Who wrote Frankenstein? “Nobody. That’s why he had such a rotten time at camp.” Guess: Mary Shelley Marc agrees X 6 Kareem: In Mythology, what was the drink of the gods? “Bud Light” Guess: Ambrosia DD disagrees O (Nectar) Both players are 3-for-3 so far. 7 Heidi to block: True or false? According to watermelon experts, the bigger your melons, the better. “Especially in this business” Guess: False Marc agrees X (Medium or better) 8 Little Richard to block: According to fashion experts, what’s wrong with mixing gold and silver? Guess: After a long wait…makes you look very rich. Nothing’s wrong DD agrees O 9 Mike to decide:
There’s a motorcycle cop (Mr. Powell of the California Highway Patrol) here to read Mike his rights:
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can or will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to refuse a search. You have the right to speak with an attorney and have an attorney present with you while you’re being questioned. If you cannot afford to hire an attorney, one will be appointed to represent you before questioning if you wish.
Question for someone who starred on three police shows: What right shouldn’t have been there? After a repeat, The Search line Marc agrees WIN!
DD’s up 1 Louie: Where do we get most of our maple syrup? “Safeway Aisle 6” Guess: Maine DD disagrees O (Vermont) 5-For-5! 2 Heidi: Scientists reporting in USA Today claim that you see chickens try to fly and pigs jump over fences just before a certain event. What even is that? “A Barbecue” Guess: A tornado Marc disagrees X (Earthquake) 3 “Uncle Milty”: According to the New Testament, what is it that will set you free? “Bran Muffins” Guess: Love DD disagrees O (The Truth) 4 Jan-Michael to block: There is a well-known Japanese word that means “the Divine Wind”. What do we call it? (Something in Japanese) Guess: Sushi Marc disagrees X (Kamikaze) 5 Mike: Yakitori, Maguro and Kaki are things you might find where? “In Fresno around the dairy farms, the farmers get it on their boots.” Guess: Cities in Korea DD disagrees O (Japanese Restaurants) Marc has two spots to block, and if he gets either one, we’re in sudden death. 6 Kareem to block AND Secret Square ($3,288): Who said “Nice guys finish last?” Was it Vince Lombardi, Leo Durocher or General George S. Patton? Guess: “Daffy Duck” Durocher Marc agrees YOU MEANIE! X Lynn will decide this. Do you know what you’ve done, Marc?
7 Lynn to win: A musical question, give us the next line:
More than the greatest love the world has known
Guess: I cannot go on living alone (Not her key) DD disagrees TIE MATCH! (“This is the love I give to you alone”)
To recap: Both players have played eight questions and gotten eight right.
Round 3
Marc first 1 Uncle Milty: The Constitution limits the President to 8 years in office, but could George Bush serve for the next 20 years (as V.P.)? “Sure but who would ever know?” Guess: No Marc disagrees X (Vice Presidents have no term limit) 2 Lynn: According to a new study in L.A. Daily News, what is more fattening: Eating 500 calories of chocolate ice cream or 500 cal. of rye bread? Guess: “500 calories is 500 calories” Milton: “What a relief” DD disagrees O (Ice Cream, calories from fats are more than carbs) 3 Louie: What is a jib boom? “It’s a sound you make when you drop a jib.” Speaking of sound, the horn goes off. This decides the game. Guess: A fish Marc disagrees WIN! (Part of a sailboat) It’s 19-0!
DD’s grand total: $4,400 Plus the Trips Marc has $700 in cash.
One last choice, find the Mazda that’ll fit the key from the bowl.
RX-7
626 4-Door
B2000 Truck
323
626 Sports Coupe
Marc’s choice is the RX-7, and for good luck Kareem. Too bad they fit.
1…2…3…
Only wrong guess for the whole day. Marc won’t have to be perfect again tomorrow. He just has to win try for the cars again.
Hollywood Squares is owned by King World Productions a part of CBS Media Ventures.
O DD Alton (2-Day Total: $2,500+Trip to Bahamas) X Denny Despar (sales manager for a wine company, sorry he didn’t bring samples)
ROUND 1-Denny starts
1 Louie (appearing in Nashville and St. Louis at airtime): The big man is going to be cooking. We’ve provided him the ingredients and a bowl. Here’s the recipe:
1 lb. Sugar
1 lb. Butter
1 lb. Flour
1 lb. Eggs
This is a traditional recipe for What? “Nell Carter” Guess: Sugar Cookies Denny agrees O (Pound Cake) 2 Little Richard “My Idol”: Controversy, Delirious, Let’s Go Crazy, Soft and Wet and I Wanna Be Your Lover are all hits from who? “Pat Boone” (who does a bad “Tutti Frutti”) Guess: Prince DD agrees O 3 Milton to block: In addition to designing the Eiffel Tower, architect Gustav Eiffel also designed the framework for what other massive undertaking? “Dom DeLuise’s Jockey Shorts” Guess: The Statue of Liberty Denny disagrees WRONG! 4 People used to consider it a sin, but today four times as many men and women are doing it than they did in 1970. Doing what? “Eating a hot pastrami on white bread with mayonnaise.” Guess: Living together without being Married DD agrees WIN!
Secret Square: Trip to Ft. Lauderdale (Eastern; @ Diplomat)-Denny again
1 Louie “Pound Cake”: According to Ann Landers, it’s the one thing in life that never ever seems to work. What? “A battery from K-Mart” Guess: A Trial Marriage Denny Agrees O (Diets) 2 Charlotte SECRET SQUARE: Julie Andrews starred in The Sound of Music. Who originated the part on Broadway? Is it Julie Andrews, Mary Martin or Mitzi Gainer? Guess: Mary DD agrees PACK YOUR BAGS AGAIN! (Value: $3,311) Note: DeeDee starts 3-0 against an 0-3 again 3 Lynn to block: After 23 years, Merv Griffin says he’s going to stop doing it. Doing what? “Eating for two” “Picking His Nose” Guess: Smoking Denny disagrees X (Ending his talk show) 4 Kareem (running Cranberry MCA Records): Some people think professional athletes are greatly overpaid,* but who do we consider to be more overpaid. Baseball or basketball players? “Basketball coaches“ Guess: Baseball DD Agrees O (two ways to win) 5 Heidi to block: Many hotels these days are moving away from the use of room keys in an effort to avoid thefts. How are people getting into their rooms? “Usually without the wife finding out.” Guess: By voice-activated door locks Denny disagrees X (Magnetic Cards) 6 Milton to win again: Soft, semi-soft, blue vein, ripened and processed are used to describe what? “My body” Guess: Cheese DD Agrees 2ND WIN!
ROUND 3-Denny again
1 Mike: According to the book, What’s the Difference, men are most interested in sex in September. When are women the most interested? “Before marriage” Guess: October Denny disagrees X (July) 2 Jan-Michael: According to travel experts, for maximum comfort, what should you never remove during a long flight? “If I were the pilot, it would be my glasses.” Guess: Seat Belt DD disagrees O (Your Shoes because your feet can swell up) 3 Charlotte: Surprisingly, elephants spend much less time than humans doing this. What is it? “Watching Wild Kingdom” Guess: Sleeping Denny agrees X 4 Little Richard to block: You are a doctor of otolaryngology. What is your specialty? “Pronouncing tough words” Guess: The vocal cords DD disagrees WRONG! (Record: 6-1) 5 For the Win: True or false? When mating, storks produce a high ear-piercing squeal that can be heard for hundreds of yards away. John: “Like on your early records.” Guess: False Denny disagrees O 6 Lynn (last question): According to a survey by Purina Dog Chow, what is a dog’s favorite people food. “It’s called leg of postman” Guess: Cheese (Her dog loves peaches) DD disagrees O (Hot Dogs)
Denny leaves with $200 DD wins with $1,300 (Total: $7,111+Bahamas)
On to the remaining Mazdas:
626 Four Door
323 Sedan
626 Sport Coupe
She picks the 626 Coupe. Joined by Charlotte Jan-Michael and Lynn
1…2…3…
Still no good. If DD is willing, we’ll bring her back
Images of game board based on original by FromEquestria2LA on Deviantart.
Hollywood Squares is owned by King World Productions a part of CBS Media Ventures.
O: DD Alton (One Day, $1,300) X: Michael Weiner (waiter)
ROUND 1
Michael first 1 Milton, with a clip from his new video “A Night at La Cage”. He’s in drag, nothing new for him. Let’s see if he knows it when he sees it. Three Ladies at center stage, but only one is a real woman. The other two are from Lou Paciocco’s La Cage aux Folles Nightclub. Who is the real girl? “This Question is a drag” Guess: #3 Michael agrees O (#1 “l blew my wig.”)
#1 Wayne Smith
#2 Jennifer Palazzo
#3 Pia Van Doren
2 Lynn To really get your makeup to set properly, you should spray your face with something after you’re done. “Krazy Glue” Guess: Water DD agrees O 3 Charlotte to block (She’s in a new HBO special: “The Worst Witch”) True or false? The Roman Emperor Nero quit his job to become a singer. “He opened for Milton at Caesar’s Palace” Guess: False Michael agrees WRONG 4 Charlotte to Win The University of California offers a number of courses on sex education. Are they popular with students? “Especially those that do lots and lots and lots of homework.” Guess: Yes DD agrees WIN!
Secret Square: Trip to the Bahamas (Eastern; Xanadu Beach Resort)
Michael up again 1 Little Richard (New album, Lifetime Friend, coming in October) A hot oil fire has erupted in the skillet. What should you do? “Go out for dinner” Guess: Take some sugar. Michael agrees O (Baking Soda, 0-3) 2 Milton How long does a person have to be missing before being declared legally dead? “If it’s a Jewish family, one meal.” Guess: 7-8 years DD agrees O (3-0) 3 Louie to block If you are an average human being, you have 28 pounds of it in your body. What? “Lunch” Guess: Fat Michael disagrees X (Bones) 4 Lynn (Secret Square) For the trip at nearly $3,000, Who was the President who signed the controversial 55 mile per hour Speed limit into law. Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter or Ronald Reagan? Guess: Nixon DD agrees OPACK YOUR BAGS! 5 Charlotte to block There is a lady standing in New York Harbor who has been carrying a torch for over 100 years. What is her official name? “Ruth Berkowitz” Guess: Statue of Liberty Michael agrees WRONG “The Liberty Enlightening the World” 6 Charlotte to win What famous personality said these words “I shall return”? “Lucille Ball” (She keeps getting new shows) Guess: General MacArthur DD Agrees WIN AGAIN! (Up to 5 right in a row)
Round 3
Michael 1 Milton True or False? It takes the average Mouse about five seconds to mate. “In that case, I don’t feel so bad.” Guess: True Michael agrees X 2 Kareem When one cat approaches another car and makes nose-to-nose contact, what does it mean? “Jump Ball” Guess: Getting acquainted DD agrees O (Close Enough) 3 Jan-Michael According to New Woman Mag. Placing postage stamps on various areas of the face is a good idea when you want to what? “Mail yourself” Guess: Clear your skin Michael disagrees X (Temporarily smooth it out) 4 Mike to block (Last Question) An expert in the field of hospital guest relations has stated that in many hospitals, bad food is a thing of the past. Why? “Because the people who ate it are a thing of the past.” Guess: They got too many complaints. DD disagrees O (Hired outside chefs, SEVEN STRAIGHT)
Michael leaves with $200 DD’s total today: $1,200 (Grand Total: $2,500+Bahamas)
Now to the cars. We’ve swapped out the Cadillacs for Mazdas. The least-expensive one has been taken out (Pickup) leaving these four:
Rx7 Sports Car
626 Sedan
323 Sedan
626 Sport Coupe
DD chooses the RX7, Jan and Lynn.
1…2…3…
Sorry, but she’ll try again tomorrow.
Images of game board based on original by FromEquestria2LA on Deviantart.
Hollywood Squares is owned by King World Productions a part of CBS Media Ventures.
DD, the challenger, goes first 1 Bronson: What are gibs, mibs, emmys and hoodles? Guess: African Tribes DD disagrees O (Marbles) 2 John (owns an island in Fiji): What happens to up to 70 percent of men who have their vasectomies surgically reversed? “They Feel Short Changed” Guess: Become Fathers After some clarity, Kenny agrees O (They Remain infertile) 3 Jackie to win: Your pantyhose may not last as long in Los Angeles as they do in other cities. Why? Jackie doesn’t wear pantyhose but asks if John does. As the host, he doesn’t have to answer. Guess: The hot humid weather DD disagrees WIN! (The Smog)
SECRET SQUARE GAME: Trip to Puerto Vallarta (Western; Plaza Vallarta)
Kenny first 1 Betty: SECRET SQUARE! For the $1,330 trip: What war inspired Francis Scott Key to write the Star-Spangled Banner? The American Revolution, The War of 1812 or the Civil War? Guess: The American Revolution Kenny agrees O (B) 2 Bronson: Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep, but does she ever find them? First, a poem:
Little Bovine has lost her mind And does not know where to recoup it If she does not find it, the sheep will not mind it Her conduct from birth has been stupid
Guess: Yes, wagging their tails behind them DD agrees O 3 Lorenzo to block: A Visual Clue: Lady Black Belt breaks through a wall. It’s was a running sidekick. Which discipline of the martial arts did she use? Was is Judo, Karate or Kung Fu? Guess: Karate Kenny still disagrees WRONG! (That’s what you get for doubting an honest black belt) Note: Kenny’s 0-3 and DeeDee’s 3-0 4 Lorenzo to win: Finish this song
You must remember this A kiss is still a kiss A sigh is still a sigh
“I think there’s something in my eye” Guess: Fundamental things apply, as time goes by DD disagrees X 5 Mariette (was in Little Night Music in Ohio): What’s the highest award the government can give a civilian? “Tax Refund” Guess: Citizenship medal Kenny disagrees X (Medal of Freedom) And now, both streaks have been broken. 6 Itzhak to block: Within a pride of lions, the female in addition to bearing the cubs does 95 percent of the… “Shopping” Guess: Finding the food DD agrees O (Counts as hunting) 7 Emma: What is Ronald Reagan’s middle name? “Rambo” Guess: Wilson Kenny disagrees O 8 Shadoe to win: What are hairline joints, butt joins and lap joints? “Types of singles bars” Guess: Sewing terms DD disagrees WIN! (Ways to hang wallpaper)
Round 3
Kenny up again 1 John: According to Life Magazine, a poll of cosmetic surgeons found that the features their clients want the most are Farrah’s forehead, Brooke’s lips and Dolly’s Guess: Chest, he said it some way or another Kenny agrees O (Her nose, “Isn’t that cute”) 2 Mariette: What is Mount Fuji? “Place where Japanese send their film to be developed” Guess: The Highest Mountain in the World Japan DD agrees O 3 Betty to block: Married women were recently asked by poll takers: “If given the chance, would you marry the same man?” What do the majority say? “Come on in, handsome poll taker” Guess: They wouldn’t trade in for a new model Kenny agrees X 4 Bronson (started to choose before the horn went off): There’s one thing you must do in order to get a job in Iceland. What is it? “Dye your hair blond” Guess: Enlist in the military DD disagrees O (Graduate from high school)
Kenny adds $100 for a 2-Day Total of $1,400 DD has $1,300
Our new champ takes a key, but which Caddy will she try for:
ElDorado
Seville
Coupe DeVille
Cimarron
Sedan Deville
She can choose Bronson, just as a good luck celebrity. Car-wise she picks the Seville.
1…2…3…
Not today. DD will come back on Monday to try again. That means a new group of stars in the board:
Lynn Redgrave
Jan-Michael Vincent (Airwolf)
Louie Anderson
Heidi Bohay (Hotel)
Milton Berle
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
Little Richard
Mike Connors
Charlotte Rae (The Facts of Life)
But without Bronson, will she ever return?
Images of game board based on original by FromEquestria2LA on Deviantart.
Hollywood Squares is owned by King World Productions a part of CBS Media Ventures.
O: Ciarra Kind (Beverly Hills, CA, actress nicknamed “7up” for being bubbly) X: Bob Blanchard (flight attendant internationally)
Rules are the same: Tic-Tac-Toe by agreeing or disagreeing with our stars. Each game worth $500 and the player with the most cash plays for a new Cadillac.
ROUND 1
Ciarra first 1 “The wonderful Bronson Pinchot“: According to Greek legend, why did women used to rub crushed strawberries all over their bodies? “Because it got them strawberries at a discount.” Guess: To soften their skin Ciarra agrees X (Believe it would make them taller) 2 Mariette: True or false? In ancient Greek mythology, there was a god of images named Polaroidis. “Not Kodak Kola” Guess: False Bob agrees X 3: “The lovely Betty White” to block: Which of these has been around longer, birth control pills or the Big Mac? Guess: Big Mac “He’s why they invented birth control” Ciarra agrees WRONG! (Pill in 1960, Big Mac in ’68) 4 Betty to win: Complete the lyric:
Nobody does it better Makes me feel bad for the rest Nobody does it half as good as you…
“And now I need a rest” Guess: “Baby, you’re the best” Bob agrees WIN!
SECRET SQUARE GAME: Trip to the Virgin Islands (Eastern; 1wk.@ Bluebeard’s Castle in St. Thomas)
The return of a Hollywood Squares tradition. All the player has to do is pick the square and get the question right.
Cierra starts 1 Bronson: If you called the White House and asked to speak to President Reagan, what will the White House operator typically say:
A: “He’s not available at the moment”
B: “The President cannot take individual phone calls”
C: “The President is in a meeting and will get back to you.”
Bronson: “He’s clearing brush in Santa Barbara” Guess: C Cierra disagrees, John doesn’t have the answer LET’S FIND OUT: Bronson has a phone, Balki Bartokomous makes the call. All he gets is a busy signal. He gets through to the receptionist in D.C. She says “Not available at the moment.” O 2 John and his Ducks: According to the Glen Oak feed-in pet store the simplest way to tell the sex of a duck is to simply look at its what? Guess: The feet, females have smaller feet (does his best Donald impression) Bob disagrees X (The Tail feathers, males are curled, females are flat) 3 Lorenzo: According to a noted psychologist, what is the most overused “come-on” line for a man to use on a woman in the supermarket. “Why don’t you take off your clothes” or “Nice melons” Guess: Do you come here often? Cierra disagrees O (Do you really eat that junk?) 4 Itzhak to block: True or false? According to Psychology Today, to most people music is even more thrilling than sex. “And it pays better” Guess: True Bob agrees X 5 “The lovely Jackie Collins”: Who gained fame as the Little Tramp? “Alexis Carrington” Guess: Charlie Chaplin Cierra agrees O 6 Emma to block: According to U.S. News and World Report, more millionaires live there than anywhere else. Where is that? “The Colby Mansion” Guess: California Bob disagrees WRONG! (Florida has the highest concentration per household) 7 Emma to win: Your male boss keeps making passes at you and you’re not Betty White so you can’t enjoy it. You’re not interested, but you don’t want to jeopardize your job. According to Family Circle, what should you do? “Run him down in the parking lot” Guess: Politely say “Get off my back” Cierra agrees WIN! (Tell them “You’re flattered”) Secret Square: Mariette
ROUND 3
Bob starts 1 Bronson: You’re going on a cruise and your doctor prescribes a small thin adhesive patch to be placed behind your ear. Why would he do that? “Because you have a slow leak” Guess: Prevent seasickness Bob agrees X “You bet your seasickness” 2 “The beautiful Mariette Hartley”: How did Dr. Joyce Brothers answer this question: “Why does my 18-month-old son cry every time my husband embraces me?” “Because you’re supposed to put the kid down first.” Guess: He thinks the mother’s gonna leave him Cierra disagrees O (And she guessed right that it was jealousy) 3 John (without the ducks): According to the Wall Street Journal, why are some meter readers in Philadelphia now wearing bulletproof pants? “Because the city’s full of trigger-happy midgets” Guess: Keep them warmer in the winter Bob disagrees X (Prevents dog bites) 4 Phylicia and Ahmad: Surveys show that most couples planning on having children (She’s due in December) would prefer to begin with a what? Ahmad “Glass of white wine” Guess: Girl for Phylicia (overruling Ahmad) Cierra disagrees O 5 Itzhak to block: It’s a really wonderful thing to have one of these, Dr Hang S. Noir has one. Rockstar Prince has one. F. Murray Abraham has one and you don’t have one. What “A silly name” (The horn goes off) Guess: Oscar Bob disagrees WRONG!
VERY INTERESTING, each player would get $100 for each symbol. Since Cierra didn’t get the circle, the game would be tied at $700. So, Cierra plays on 6 Itzhak to decide the match: Who supposedly said “Let them eat cake”? Guess: Napoleon Cierra agrees X (Marie Antoinette) BOB WINS WITH $800!
Now Bob reaches into the key bowl. It’s not for wife swapping, those keys will start these Cadillacs.
ElDorado
Seville
Coupe DeVille
Cimarron
Sedan DeVille
Bob chooses the ElDorado ($30,000) and Jackie Collins as his lucky star.
1…2…3…
nope. So Bob will come back and play again. If he wins, he’ll get to try that key in another Caddy.
Images of game board based on original by FromEquestria2LA on Deviantart.
Hollywood Squares is owned by King World Productions a part of CBS Media Ventures.
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