Mark Goodson

TO TELL THE TRUTH-January 1, 1957 (3rd episode)

gamespeopleplayed December 31, 2023 No Comments

FIRST GUEST: Myna Shelton

I, Myna Shelton, am a criminal investigator in the office of the county prosecutor.  I deal in murder, arson and other felonies. I am an ex-postmaster and was once a secretary to the governor of my state.  For seven years, I was active in show business as a singer and dancer in vaudeville and nightclubs.  Despite the fact that I am a grandmother, I am proficient in the art of Judo.  I swear that the above statement is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. 

Signed, Myna Shelton

HILDY:
#1: Difference between a felony and a misdemeanor? 
The misdemeanor is not as great an offense as a felony.  A felony would leads to imprisonment in state prison.
#3: What county are you in the office of prosecutor? 
Nassau County in Long Island

DICK: “From tan to anemic”
#3: What do you have to do to own a revolver or automatic pistol in this state?
This is a stumper
#2: Same question
You have to have a gun permit…that’s all the time for now

POLLY:
#1: How do you address a governor?
Mr. Governor or Your Excellency
#2: Same Question
H.G., which means Big Governor?

JOHN:
#1: The difference between judo and jujitsu?
Judo could kill a man by hitting a certain nerve
#3: Which is the most deadly?
John moves on to #2, who says Judo
#2: What state are you secretary to the Governor?
New Jersey, name of Robert Minor. #1 can’t answer in time.

HILBY:
#1: Where’s the Statehouse?
Trenton, New Jersey, under Gov. Hoffman several years ago.
#1: What did you do in show business?
Sing, but not well enough, so she had to take up judo.

DICK:
#1: If I was a fourth offender and I was picked up for robbery what would that be? 
“You’d have to rob the warden boy, you’d be out of this world forever”
#2: Would registration of a revolver in the state be legal?
Not sure about the laws in New York

POLLY:
#3: How do YOU address the Governor?
“Your Excellency”
#3: Who is the second-in-command to a governor?
Blank
#1: Same question
A Lieutenant Governor
#1: Have you ever had any personal contact with a governor?
“I Sure have, wanna hear about it?”

JOHN:
#1: Where were you a Postmaster?
Rockville, Maryland
How large is Rockville?
She’s not sure, but she does know it’s the county seat of Montgomery County
How many postal carriers?
Not sure about the question
HILBY:
#2: How many grandchildren do you have?
“Oh, I have one!” sounds confused. #3 also says one, but #1 says three.  Just ran out of time for their ages.

VOTING TIME:

Polly: #1 (“The one I Think it is or the one I’m sure it isn’t”)
John: #1
Hilby: #3
Dick: #1

THE REAL MYRNA SHELTON IS:
#2 ($1,000)

And Polly felt the sweep coming. Hilby questions her about how she didn’t know about Lieutenant Governor.  She was thinking of his name before the bell rang.  And what about H.G.? Harold G Hoffman.  Tomorrow, Myrna’s starting civil service, starting as a secretary in and for the County Prosecutor’s Office.

#1: Gussie Mitchell, bridal consultant in China and Silver with Charles Schwartz and Sons in D.C. and Silver Springs

#3: Dorothy Munster, works as an exclusive dress shop in NYC (not sure of the name)

SECOND GUEST: Tom Joseph

I, Tom Joseph, was born and raised in Texas.  I am now a member of the Texas State Legislature.  After my discharge from the service, I attended college under the G.I. bill and graduated with a degree in agriculture.  I started with $350 and before I was 30 years I controlled more than $1 Million worth of real estate, had an interest in several oil wells, was Chairman of the board of Three Banks and Director of two others.  At one time, I received over six hundred proposals of marriage which in no way accounts for the face that I got married three days ago and now in New York on my Honeymoon.  I swear that the above statement is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. 

Signed, Tom Joseph

POLLY:
#1: Does the government have any sort of tax benefit for oil investments?
A 27.5% depletion income tax
#2: Any other benefits?
“Everything the government does for us depletes the resources”

JOHN:
#3: What about these marriage proposals? 
“After we brought in Charlie Three from Lubbock, he threw a party with an emcee from Hollywood.  It aired on TV where Tom was asked if he’d like a gorgeous wife with all those millions?  Proposals came in in just a week”

HILBY:
#1: Who takes care of your money?
The IRS handles the most of it.
#2: How did Texas vote in the last election?
Democratic

DICK:
#1: What is the chief byproduct of oil?
Petrochemicals, which includes gasoline of course.
#2: What is the largest byproduct? 
“Money brother, is there any other” Number #3 agrees.

POLLY:
#3: What’s the best investment you ever made?
“My Wife” AAAAWWWWW!
#2: What is your capacity in the State Legislature?
“Senator” and Polly doesn’t know much about Senators

JOHN:
#3: “What is the capital of Texas?”
Austin, but he was born in Brownwood
#3: “Where’s the Panhandle”
In the North, and Amarillo is there.
#1: Where were you born?
Not just Texas, Houston
What’s the Largest Town in Texas now?
Houston
#2: Same question: “Being Born in Dallas, I hate to say it out loud”
“What do you think of Fort Worth?”
It’s the Jumping-off place to West Texas.  He was born in Dallas

HILBY:
#3: “What is Rotation Planning?”
A system where you don’t deplete the land by using too much of the minerals by rotating crops.  And if you’re lucky you’ll get oil out of the hole.
#2: “Who is the head of the legislature”
Too much of a challenge to answer right away.

DICK:
#1: “Did you marry one of the 600 proposals?”
Oh sure, and she wasn’t a Texas girl.  She’s from Mississippi.

VOTING TIME

Polly: #3 (Going the other way this timE)
John: #3
Hilby: #3
Dick: #3

THE REAL TOM JOSEPH IS…
#1 (Polly’s hunch)

#2: W.G. Foster, Minister in Florence, SC

#3: Red Evans, songwriter and news publisher and he loves the new accent.  In fact, Polly recently recorded one of his songs.  He just missed the session.

And here comes the bride.  He did the proposing.

Time to say good night from:

• Wrongway Coragan
• Spike Jones
• Mud
• Eloise

To Tell the Truth is owned by Fremantle.