Joanna Barnes

WHAT’S MY LINE?-Taped January 21, 1969

Host: Wally Bruner
Announcer: Johnny Olson
Celebrity Panel:

  • Nipsey Russell
  • Joanna Barnes
  • Bert Convy
  • Arlene Francis

FIRST GUEST: Nancy Moritz (Yonkers, NY)

She’s salaried and deals with a service.

Bert: Could I avail myself in this service?
Yes
How about Arlene?
Yes
Do the people come to you?
Yes
Do you wear something else?
Yes, most of the time
Is it a uniform?
Yes
Is it an essential service?
Yes
Is it in the health field?
No $5

Arlene: Yonkers had Arlene thinking the Chamber of Commerce, is it a non-profit?
Yes
Branch of the government?
No $10

Nipsey: It has nothing to do with health?
Yes, it doesn’t
Anything to do with children?
Yes
An institution with the education of children?
In a sense
Do you deal with children and parents?
Yes
Do it have to do with orphans?
Sometimes, but No $15

Joanna: Anything to do with bringing kids and adults together?
Yes
Anything to do with foster homes and adoptions?
Yes, but it’s one of the extra services.
Do you work indoors?
Yes
Anything to do with the law?
No $20 (30 seconds left)

Bert after shifting through all the possibilities he was wrong about PASSES.

Arlene: Anything to do with the Lord?
Yes
Are you a minister of some kind?
Yes, but it’s not enough (Wally reminds the panel she wears a uniform)
Is she a nun or sister?
No Game Over

Our guest is Capt. Nancy Moritz of THE SALVATION ARMY. And guess What? Arlene is an honorary Colonel, of the “best army in the world”. At the time, there were over 300,000 people in America and 2 million around the world! Let’s not forget the Salvation Army Christmas Band! Nancy says it’s not a requirement, but it’s about the joy of singing for the Lord. She plays coronet and tambourine. Sometimes piano, too, rough playing in December. Back to tambourine, we see sheet music written for the instrument. It’s in shapes looking straight out of geometry. All instructions for timing and choreography. It’s too confusing, we need a demonstration. Three tambourine dancers from the Salvation Army School of Officer Training in the Bronx.

  • Cadet Eileen Smith
  • Cadet Betty Jones
  • Cadet Joan Burke

After performing The March Parade by the New York Staff Band of the Salvation Army, it’s the panel’s turn. Three symbols are shown with numbers indicting the rhythm. Easy to explain, hard to show here, but the panel gets it.

SECOND GUEST: Sheldon Goldstein (Norwich, NY)

He’s self-employed and deals with a product.

Nipsey: Would the product be contrary to something that your appearance indicates?
Wally gets it, Sheldon’s appearance is not a giveaway to his product.
You don’t sell razor blades, do you?
Since Nipsey agrees he meant it, No $5

Joanna: Does it have any electricity?
No $10

Bert: Would we find it in our home?
Yes
Would it be mainly found in one room in the house?
Yes
Usually on the ground floor?
Yes
A room with an oven?
Yes
Could you hold it in your hand?
Yes (Wally makes a fish face)
If you held it in your hand, would it be functional? (The audience can’t hold back snickers)
Yes
Anything to do with the preparing of food?
Yes
Is it an implement?
Oh a utensil, No $15

Arlene: Something put in the mouth?
Yes
Is it a “Food substance” itself?
Yes
Is it something you’d have for lunch?
Yes
Is it an accessory to the meal, instead of the main course?
Yes
Does it grow in the ground?
Yes
Does it have a distinctive odor?
Yes (There goes the audience)
In the vegetable family?
Yes (15 second)
Garlic, Onion or Pickle?
No, No, No $20

Nipsey: Is it a seasoning or garnishment?
No, expect in one case. And in this case, GAME OVER

It’s not radishes or ketchup, either. It’s SAUERKRAUT! Sheldon has his own company, “Ready Pac Foods” in Norwich. At the time, they were making 40 million pounds a year!

MYSTERY GUEST

Joanna: Are you a motion picture performer, predominately?
No
Bert almost wants to make a guess “It couldn’t be!”: You’re on the stage primarily?
Yes
Bert’s guess: Eileen Heckhart
WRONG
Arlene think she knows it, too: Are you currently appearing in a Broadway play with a small cast and is a big hit?
Yes
Arlene’s guess: Maureen…Wally finishes it, STAPLETON

And she was so afraid she wouldn’t be recognized, she would’ve signed in as Marlene Dietrich! Arlene says Maureen didn’t disguise her voice, but she says otherwise. Anyway, our guest is appearing in the play “Plaza Suite”, really three one act plays. Joanna mentions Maureen would soon appear in a movie, but she hates flying. She’s booked a train instead, too bad the 20th Century to Chicago was closed by this time. Wally suggest a freight instead! The film was “Airport” adapted from the book which she didn’t read. Maureen is playing Van Heflin’s wife. Afterwards, you would expect to see her return for the theatre version. The irony is not lost on Arlene.

HONEST ANSWERS

For Bert (From Helen O’Donnell, NYC): Do you have any children?
Answer: Yes, Three Children. Ages 30, 24 and one’s about to graduate from college.

Arlene butted in. It’s 8 years, 3 years and 14 months.
For Arlene (Mrs. T.H. Moore, Gainesville, FL): Which do you prefer: Television or legitimate stage and why?
Answer: Devoted to television, it’s been very, very, good to her. Any actress prefers the stage for the excitement of playing to an audience. Overall, she likes them both.

What’s My Line? is owned by Fremantle.

WHAT’S MY LINE?-Taped August 20, 1968

Host: Wally Bruner

Announcer: Johnny Olsen

Celebrity Panel:

  • Soupy Sales
  • Joanna Barnes
  • Nipsey Russell
  • Arlene Francis

FIRST GUEST: Gene Beane (Chattanooga, TN)

Wally clues the panel in that Gene’s in Show Business. He’s also self-employed and deals with a service.

Soupy, who knows his brother “Boston Baked”:

Do you work with someone else?:

No $5

Joanne: Is this service performed before the show?

No $10

Nipsey: Does coming from Tennessee have anything to do with your performance?

No $15

Arlene: Are you on the ground?

Yes, but he could get off the ground

Do you use anything besides yourself?

Yes

If I knew the equipment, would I know the act?

Perhaps

Is it attached to you?

No $20

Soupy: During your act, are you hit, like a cannonball?

For that, it’s No $25

Joanna: Is the object not particular to showbiz?

Yes

Might I have one?

No $30

Nipsey: Is it a performance?

Yes

Are you a hillbilly singer?

No $35         

Arlene: Is the equipment quite long, like in the stilt family?

No $40

Soupy: Is the act outdoors instead of indoors?

Yes

It doesn’t have anything to do with animals?

No means Yes

Something you perform at a grandstand?

Yes (30 seconds left)

Is it a high dive?

No $45

Joanna: Any physical danger?

Yes

Does it have to do with explosives or charges?

Yes

She’s almost there, “Are you shot out of anything”

The Last No!

Gene BLOWS HIMSELF UP WITH DYNAMITE!

As a matter of fact, he had performed at the point of this taping, 1,040 TIMES!  In the act, Gene puts himself in a box, pushes the detonator and

Joanna says it probably accounts for the short hair.  To quote the performer, “I literally get a bang out of my job”  He’s played all over North and South America with no mistakes.  And it’s all on film.  Gene’s putting on his helmet, gets into the box, the box goes Boom!!!  Gene flys out and stumbles around to the right, only inches away.  There is occasionally a blackout from the G-force from the lungs.  Nipsey calls it “Excedrin Headache #10.”  In truth, Gene is less afraid of the act than he is driving the highway from show to show.

“Better Luck Next Time” and Next Time is now.

SECOND GUEST: Lana Barrett (Mamaroneck, NY)

Miss Barrett is salaried, dealing with a product.

Nipsey: Based on the audience reaction, a profession not usually attached to a pretty young girl?

Yes

Do you come in contact with other people

Yes

Is it necessary to converse with other people?

A Little Bit

It’s not the central essence of your job?

No means Yes

Does the product touch the human body?

Yes

Between the waistline and the top of the head?

Yes

Would Nipsey’s social presence be enhanced?

YEAH!

Between the chin line and the top of the head?

Yes

Consumed or eaten or drunken in any way?

Yes

Attached with an outdoor activity, like a carnival?

Mostly No $5

Arlene: Solid rather than liquid?

Yes

Buy in a store?

Yes

Something to have at meal time?

Not to leave you astray but No $10 (30 sec.)

Soupy: Is it chewable?

Yes

You wouldn’t swallow it necessarily?

No, not bubble gum we’re talking about $15

Joanna: Under a dollar?

Yes

Grocery Store as opposed to a drug store?

No, and that’s time!

Arlene guesses that Lana’s a good humor man!  If only we’d had another minute.

Wally calls Lana the best-looking Good Humor man in West Chester County.  And what’s so shocking about her driving a truck?  Her customers include a few dogs that come for Vanilla every day.  And now, because a little good humor never hurt anyone, there’s ice cream for Wally and all the panel.

MYSTERY GUEST

A Big Applause and a strawberry shortcake stick for our guest

Arlene: Is there more than one person?

Just one, said meekly

Soupy: Must be in show business?

Could be, Wally says No

Joanna: Are you in the Sports Field?

Sometimes, Wally clarifies Yes

Nipsey: Involved in Politics in New York State?

Both agree, No

Arlene: Are you a baseball hero?

Yes

Soupy: Must be Mickey Mantle?

No

Joanna: National League Player?

Yes

Nipsey: Team once based in New York City?

Yes

Arlene: Are you “Say Hey”?

Yep, it’s WILLIE MAYS

And Willie is upset about Wally saying baseball is NOT show business.  As Nipsey knows, that’s what they call “Batman” in Harlem.  Looking back at an article Wally read, we hear about whether Willie could break his career home run record of 714.  Mays was at 569 at the day of taping.  Experts say he could’ve done it.  Ever humble, he’d be happy just reaching 600 against today’s “modern” pitchers.  Maybe these longer games could help, but Willie’s not interested.  As for any other current hitter, 34-year-old Hank Aaron might be too old.  Willie guesses that the Babe got home runs from ground rule doubles.  Wally says either way, Willie has made his mark in baseball. 

Are you saying I’m through?”

Closing: Wally gives an introduction: “We are delighted this week to have a handsome, charming, gracious, intelligent, resourceful, funny (Not you, Soupy) Nipsey Russell with us.”  He can’t deny it, it’s all true.  Russell started in show business early, dancing in a kids’ chorus. This grew into a tap-dancing trio and moved into comedy.  Highlights this year include performing on the Red Skelton Show and a new variety program “Soul”.  Many rock bands and entertainers like Redd Foxx and George Kirby are set to appear.  Meanwhile, the panel is doing fairly well for a Monday.  

What’s My Line? is owned by Fremantle.

WHAT’S MY LINE?-TAPED JULY 23, 1968

Host: Wally Bruner

Announcer: Johnny Olson

Celebrity panel:

This group will attempt to figure out what job (or line) our contestants are. Each will go one at a time, only asking yes or no questions. If the answer’s Yes, they can continue asking. If they get a “No”, the contestant gets $5 and control goes to the next panelist. Guessing continues until:

  • A panelist guesses correctly
  • The panel gets 10 “No” answers
  • The host says “Times Up”

FIRST GUEST: Lynne Jordan (Orlando, FL)

It’s a part-time job between majoring law at Rollins College, but she’s salaried and working in services.

Alan: Do you perform services indoors?

No $5

Arlene: On or near water?

Yes

Are you wearing a bathing suit?

Yes

Anything instructive?

No $10

Soupy: Something performing wise?

Yes

Perform in underwater?

No $15

Joanna: Any other article you use?

Yes

Any sporting goods?

No $20

Alan: Are you supported on top of the water?

No $25

Arlene: Is there an animal associated with what you do?

Yes

Do you ride some animal in the water?

Yes

Do you dive off with an animal?

Yes

Is it a Horse?

Dives 40 feet into tank on Horseback

Soupy says you’d have to be THAT HIGH to do something like that.  Lynne climbs the ladder while the horse gets to ride an elevator, FIVE SHOWS A DAY. Her sister used to do another water act, now she’s doing this in the summer.  Law school comes in the winter.  We go to the film of Lynne in action at the Steel Pier.  Amazing, she never falls off, even in just 10 feet deep.  The horse clearly likes it, too.  He even smiles right for the camera.  A new horse for every performance while the others get the royal treatment.  This act requires special training for the hoofed beasts.  Trainers have to use a long leaf rope by the neck to bring them up.  Very rarely do any of them chicken out. 

Arlene must’ve been on a good run this week. (She is the veteran, after all) Let’s see what she and the rest of the panel can do.

SECOND GUEST: Tim Slatery (Hyde Park, NY)

He’s salaried and deals with a service.

Arlene: Requires any physical dexterity?

No $5

Soupy: Product found in the home?

Yes, Hopefully

Is it wearable rather than eatable?

No, Soupy thought maybe it was chocolate-covered suspenders. $10

Joanna: Is the product non-consumable or not used up? A chair as against a candy bar.

In the normal sense, it’s a non-qualified No $15

Alan: Generally, in one part of the house than another?

No $20

Arlene: Does it come in contact with the person using it?

Yes

Do you have to touch it in some way?

Yes

Worn on the body?

No $25

Soupy: Can you hold it in your hand?

Yes

Does it leave your hand when you use it?

Yes “I’m hot today”

Would it be used in the kitchen?

In the bathroom?

Is it a solid object, as opposed to rubber on one end and wood on the other?

Yes

Do you make plungers?

No $30

Joanna: Any moving parts? 

No $35

Alan first tries to clear up about whether it can be used in one room of the house more than other.  He then has to stop Wally from counting that as a wrong answer.

Used by men and women?

Yes

Day and night?

Yes

Does it always leave your hand?

Yes

We get a 30 second warning, before Alan passes

Arlene: Anything Fun and Games?

No $40

Soupy: Use it over and over again?

Yes

Is it a toy?

No (GAME OVER!)

Tim Slatery works with money. More specifically, he BURNS IT for the federal reserve bank!  He’s the supervisor of this operation and there are tears involved.  Arlene asks Tim what’s the most money they’ve burned at once.  “About 20 million Dollars”.  The daily rate is about $6-7 Mil of old money.  That’s comes to a Billion and a half a year.  The bank delivers the old money to the bank; Joanna asks if there’s an opening.  One last note:  a single dollar bill lasts one month before, as Arlene speculates, gives birth to a new one.

MYSTERY GUEST

How well do you know people alive and famous in 1968?  The panel has two minutes going one question at a time?

Soupy: Are you in show business?

A deep Yes

Joanna: Most known for films?

Not exactly (Sounds like Bela Lugosi to me but he was long dead by this date. belalugosi.com/biography)

Alan: Do you sing?

Occasionally

Arlene: Appeared in a musical in New York?

No

Soupy: Appeared in a nightclub in the last year?

Yes

Joanna: Did you have a running part on TV?

Yes

Alan: Have you had hit recordings published?

“Only with my family”

Arlene: Do you record with your family?                               

No, but they’re the only one who buy the records.  The trouble is, they’re made without the holes.

Soupy: Are you Myron Cohen?

NO! “I Used to be” (30 second warning)

Joanna: In your series, did you play a detective?

No, several were looking for him.

Alan: Do you get paid for being a comedian?

Yes, still fooling the public

Arlene: Are you rounder than taller?

No (15 seconds left)

Soupy: Are you a comedian?

Only when people laugh (Time to Take off the Masks)

It’s MOREY AMSTERDAM!

Earlier in the year, Morey broke records at the Latin Quarter.  The quick-witted comedy mind now puts his improv skills to the test. 

Soupy: TV Producer

Runs a medium that’s very good for the artist.  He can get at so many people who can’t get at you.

Joanna: Boston Symphony Orchestra

My father was with the San Francisco Symphony.  He was the head Symp!

Alan: New York Subway

Well, the first time I came to New York, people said “Watch Out for the Subway.  They pack people in like sardines.”  That’s not true, there’s enough room for a sardine to lay down.

Arlene: Politics (This is a long one)

“There are so many jokes on politics, you really don’t have to write ‘em. Just read the Congressional Record.  But my favorite political story is about this group listening to a fellow running for (Charles) alderman (definition) and he’s talking about all the wonderful things he’s gonna do and everyone’s booing him and hissing him.  And finally, the whole crowd gets up to walk out of the place, except one little Jewish man sitting on the end and the last man and his group going out turns around and looks at him he says “You’re not gonna stay here and listen to that guy peddle all that junk, are ya?”  And he says, “What can I do, I’m the next speaker!”

HA! HA! HA! HA!

Morey also promotes his new movie, the Disney film “The Horse in the Gray Flannel Suit” featuring Dean Jones. You’ll love it even it you don’t understand it. (Note: Not available on Disney+)

Finally, we chat with Joanna. She’s an actress, an author and as we find out, also an interior decorator.  Her column was in newspapers for many years, detailed in the new book “Starting from Scratch”.  Joanna believes people are taking interior decorating too seriously and blowing a hole in their budget as a result.  She also advises away from antique collecting, unless you’re going to take it seriously.  Just use what you have.  Soupy chimes in about his friend renovating his barn with new drunks!

What’s my Line? is owned by Fremantle.