Jan-Michael Vincent

THE NEW HOLLYWOOD SQUARES-September 24, 1986

Host: John Davidson
Announcer: Shadoe Stevens

O DD Alton (3-Day Total: $3,800 and two trips)
X Marc Stone (Los Angeles, account manager for office machines)

Round 1

1 Milton: To Dr. Ruth Westheimer, what is good sex?
“At George Burns’ age, anything”
Guess: Must be referring to her book.
Marc agrees X
2 Lynn: According to biblical experts, it is described as a “Divine occurrence beyond the power of man”. What do we commonly call it?
“The Success of Wheel of Fortune”

Guess: A Revelation
DD disagrees O (A miracle)
3 Louie:

Louie: Why am I in the third tier?
John: Because we want to see it wobble.
Louie: Neither of us can talk.

Question: What is hippophobia?
“When I’m in your backyard.”
Guess: Fear of Hippos
Marc disagrees X (Fear of Horses)
4 Jan-Michael to block: According to folklore, what does it mean if your ears are burning?
“Your hair is on fire”
Guess: You’re going to hear from an old friend
DD disagrees O (Someone’s talking about you)
5 Charlotte to block:

When she plays the witch, she doesn’t use makeup.

Milton on Charlotte’s upcoming Halloween special

Question: Who wrote Frankenstein?
“Nobody. That’s why he had such a rotten time at camp.”
Guess: Mary Shelley
Marc agrees X
6 Kareem: In Mythology, what was the drink of the gods?
“Bud Light”
Guess: Ambrosia
DD disagrees O (Nectar)
Both players are 3-for-3 so far.
7 Heidi to block: True or false? According to watermelon experts, the bigger your melons, the better.
“Especially in this business”
Guess: False
Marc agrees X (Medium or better)
8 Little Richard to block: According to fashion experts, what’s wrong with mixing gold and silver?
Guess: After a long wait…makes you look very rich. Nothing’s wrong
DD agrees O
9 Mike to decide:

There’s a motorcycle cop (Mr. Powell of the California Highway Patrol) here to read Mike his rights:

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can or will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to refuse a search. You have the right to speak with an attorney and have an attorney present with you while you’re being questioned. If you cannot afford to hire an attorney, one will be appointed to represent you before questioning if you wish.

Question for someone who starred on three police shows: What right shouldn’t have been there?
After a repeat, The Search line
Marc agrees WIN!

Secret Square Round: 6d Windjammer Barefoot Bahamian Cruise (via Nassau; Eastern)

DD’s up
1 Louie: Where do we get most of our maple syrup?
“Safeway Aisle 6”
Guess: Maine
DD disagrees O (Vermont)
5-For-5!
2 Heidi: Scientists reporting in USA Today claim that you see chickens try to fly and pigs jump over fences just before a certain event. What even is that?
“A Barbecue”
Guess: A tornado
Marc disagrees X (Earthquake)
3 “Uncle Milty”: According to the New Testament, what is it that will set you free?
“Bran Muffins”
Guess: Love
DD disagrees O (The Truth)
4 Jan-Michael to block: There is a well-known Japanese word that means “the Divine Wind”. What do we call it?
(Something in Japanese)
Guess: Sushi
Marc disagrees X (Kamikaze)
5 Mike: Yakitori, Maguro and Kaki are things you might find where?
“In Fresno around the dairy farms, the farmers get it on their boots.”
Guess: Cities in Korea
DD disagrees O (Japanese Restaurants)
Marc has two spots to block, and if he gets either one, we’re in sudden death.
6 Kareem to block AND Secret Square ($3,288): Who said “Nice guys finish last?” Was it Vince Lombardi, Leo Durocher or General George S. Patton?
Guess: “Daffy Duck” Durocher
Marc agrees YOU MEANIE! X
Lynn will decide this. Do you know what you’ve done, Marc?


7 Lynn to win: A musical question, give us the next line:

More than the greatest love the world has known

Guess: I cannot go on living alone (Not her key)
DD disagrees TIE MATCH! (“This is the love I give to you alone”)

To recap: Both players have played eight questions and gotten eight right.

Round 3

Marc first
1 Uncle Milty: The Constitution limits the President to 8 years in office, but could George Bush serve for the next 20 years (as V.P.)?
“Sure but who would ever know?”
Guess: No
Marc disagrees X (Vice Presidents have no term limit)
2 Lynn: According to a new study in L.A. Daily News, what is more fattening: Eating 500 calories of chocolate ice cream or 500 cal. of rye bread?
Guess: “500 calories is 500 calories”
Milton: “What a relief”
DD disagrees O (Ice Cream, calories from fats are more than carbs)
3 Louie: What is a jib boom?
“It’s a sound you make when you drop a jib.”
Speaking of sound, the horn goes off. This decides the game.
Guess: A fish
Marc disagrees WIN! (Part of a sailboat)
It’s 19-0!

DD’s grand total: $4,400 Plus the Trips
Marc has $700 in cash.

One last choice, find the Mazda that’ll fit the key from the bowl.

  • RX-7
  • 626 4-Door
  • B2000 Truck
  • 323
  • 626 Sports Coupe

Marc’s choice is the RX-7, and for good luck Kareem. Too bad they fit.

1…2…3…

Only wrong guess for the whole day. Marc won’t have to be perfect again tomorrow. He just has to win try for the cars again.

Hollywood Squares is owned by King World Productions a part of CBS Media Ventures.

THE NEW HOLLYWOOD SQUARES-September 23, 1986

Host: John Davidson
Announcer: Shadoe Stevens

O DD Alton (2-Day Total: $2,500+Trip to Bahamas)
X Denny Despar (sales manager for a wine company, sorry he didn’t bring samples)

ROUND 1-Denny starts

1 Louie (appearing in Nashville and St. Louis at airtime): The big man is going to be cooking. We’ve provided him the ingredients and a bowl. Here’s the recipe:

  • 1 lb. Sugar
  • 1 lb. Butter
  • 1 lb. Flour
  • 1 lb. Eggs

This is a traditional recipe for What?
“Nell Carter”
Guess: Sugar Cookies
Denny agrees O (Pound Cake)
2 Little Richard “My Idol”: Controversy, Delirious, Let’s Go Crazy, Soft and Wet and I Wanna Be Your Lover are all hits from who?
“Pat Boone” (who does a bad “Tutti Frutti”)
Guess: Prince
DD agrees O
3 Milton to block: In addition to designing the Eiffel Tower, architect Gustav Eiffel also designed the framework for what other massive undertaking?
“Dom DeLuise’s Jockey Shorts”
Guess: The Statue of Liberty
Denny disagrees WRONG!
4 People used to consider it a sin, but today four times as many men and women are doing it than they did in 1970. Doing what?
“Eating a hot pastrami on white bread with mayonnaise.”
Guess: Living together without being Married
DD agrees WIN!

Secret Square: Trip to Ft. Lauderdale (Eastern; @ Diplomat)-Denny again

1 Louie “Pound Cake”: According to Ann Landers, it’s the one thing in life that never ever seems to work. What?
“A battery from K-Mart”
Guess: A Trial Marriage
Denny Agrees O (Diets)
2 Charlotte SECRET SQUARE: Julie Andrews starred in The Sound of Music. Who originated the part on Broadway? Is it Julie Andrews, Mary Martin or Mitzi Gainer?
Guess: Mary
DD agrees PACK YOUR BAGS AGAIN! (Value: $3,311)
Note: DeeDee starts 3-0 against an 0-3 again
3 Lynn to block: After 23 years, Merv Griffin says he’s going to stop doing it. Doing what?
“Eating for two” “Picking His Nose”
Guess: Smoking
Denny disagrees X (Ending his talk show)
4 Kareem (running Cranberry MCA Records): Some people think professional athletes are greatly overpaid,* but who do we consider to be more overpaid. Baseball or basketball players?
“Basketball coaches
Guess: Baseball
DD Agrees O (two ways to win)
5 Heidi to block: Many hotels these days are moving away from the use of room keys in an effort to avoid thefts.  How are people getting into their rooms?
“Usually without the wife finding out.”
Guess: By voice-activated door locks
Denny disagrees X (Magnetic Cards)
6 Milton to win again: Soft, semi-soft, blue vein, ripened and processed are used to describe what?
“My body”
Guess: Cheese
DD Agrees 2ND WIN!

ROUND 3-Denny again

1 Mike: According to the book, What’s the Difference, men are most interested in sex in September. When are women the most interested?
“Before marriage”
Guess: October
Denny disagrees X (July)
2 Jan-Michael: According to travel experts, for maximum comfort, what should you never remove during a long flight?
“If I were the pilot, it would be my glasses.”
Guess: Seat Belt
DD disagrees O (Your Shoes because your feet can swell up)
3 Charlotte: Surprisingly, elephants spend much less time than humans doing this. What is it?
“Watching Wild Kingdom”
Guess: Sleeping
Denny agrees X
4 Little Richard to block: You are a doctor of otolaryngology. What is your specialty?
“Pronouncing tough words”
Guess: The vocal cords
DD disagrees WRONG! (Record: 6-1)
5 For the Win: True or false? When mating, storks produce a high ear-piercing squeal that can be heard for hundreds of yards away.
John: “Like on your early records.”
Guess: False
Denny disagrees O
6 Lynn (last question): According to a survey by Purina Dog Chow, what is a dog’s favorite people food.
“It’s called leg of postman”
Guess: Cheese (Her dog loves peaches)
DD disagrees O (Hot Dogs)

Denny leaves with $200
DD wins with $1,300 (Total: $7,111+Bahamas)

On to the remaining Mazdas:

  • 626 Four Door
  • 323 Sedan
  • 626 Sport Coupe

She picks the 626 Coupe. Joined by Charlotte Jan-Michael and Lynn

1…2…3…

Still no good. If DD is willing, we’ll bring her back

Images of game board based on original by FromEquestria2LA on Deviantart.

Hollywood Squares is owned by King World Productions a part of CBS Media Ventures.

THE NEW HOLLYWOOD SQUARES-September 22, 1986

Host: John Davidson
Announcer: Shadoe Stevens

O: DD Alton (One Day, $1,300)
X: Michael Weiner (waiter)

ROUND 1

Michael first
1 Milton, with a clip from his new video “A Night at La Cage”. He’s in drag, nothing new for him. Let’s see if he knows it when he sees it. Three Ladies at center stage, but only one is a real woman. The other two are from Lou Paciocco’s La Cage aux Folles Nightclub. Who is the real girl?
“This Question is a drag”
Guess: #3
Michael agrees O (#1 “l blew my wig.”)

  • #1 Wayne Smith
  • #2 Jennifer Palazzo
  • #3 Pia Van Doren

2 Lynn To really get your makeup to set properly, you should spray your face with something after you’re done.
“Krazy Glue”
Guess: Water
DD agrees O
3 Charlotte to block (She’s in a new HBO special: “The Worst Witch”) True or false? The Roman Emperor Nero quit his job to become a singer.
“He opened for Milton at Caesar’s Palace”
Guess: False
Michael agrees WRONG
4 Charlotte to Win The University of California offers a number of courses on sex education.  Are they popular with students?
“Especially those that do lots and lots and lots of homework.”
Guess: Yes
DD agrees WIN!

Secret Square: Trip to the Bahamas (Eastern; Xanadu Beach Resort)

Michael up again
1 Little Richard (New album, Lifetime Friend, coming in October) A hot oil fire has erupted in the skillet.  What should you do?
“Go out for dinner”
Guess: Take some sugar.
Michael agrees O (Baking Soda, 0-3)
2 Milton How long does a person have to be missing before being declared legally dead?
“If it’s a Jewish family, one meal.”
Guess: 7-8 years
DD agrees O (3-0)
3 Louie to block
If you are an average human being, you have 28 pounds of it in your body. What?
“Lunch”
Guess: Fat
Michael disagrees X (Bones)
4 Lynn (Secret Square)
For the trip at nearly $3,000, Who was the President who signed the controversial 55 mile per hour Speed limit into law.  Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter or Ronald Reagan?
Guess: Nixon
DD agrees O PACK YOUR BAGS!
5 Charlotte to block There is a lady standing in New York Harbor who has been carrying a torch for over 100 years.  What is her official name?
“Ruth Berkowitz”
Guess: Statue of Liberty
Michael agrees WRONG “The Liberty Enlightening the World”
6 Charlotte to win What famous personality said these words “I shall return”?
“Lucille Ball” (She keeps getting new shows)
Guess: General MacArthur
DD Agrees WIN AGAIN! (Up to 5 right in a row)

Round 3

Michael
1 Milton True or False? It takes the average Mouse about five seconds to mate.
“In that case, I don’t feel so bad.”
Guess: True
Michael agrees X
2 Kareem When one cat approaches another car and makes nose-to-nose contact, what does it mean?
“Jump Ball”
Guess: Getting acquainted
DD agrees O (Close Enough)
3 Jan-Michael According to New Woman Mag. Placing postage stamps on various areas of the face is a good idea when you want to what?
“Mail yourself”
Guess: Clear your skin
Michael disagrees X (Temporarily smooth it out)
4 Mike to block (Last Question) An expert in the field of hospital guest relations has stated that in many hospitals, bad food is a thing of the past.  Why?
“Because the people who ate it are a thing of the past.”
Guess: They got too many complaints.
DD disagrees O (Hired outside chefs, SEVEN STRAIGHT)

Michael leaves with $200
DD’s total today: $1,200 (Grand Total: $2,500+Bahamas)

Now to the cars. We’ve swapped out the Cadillacs for Mazdas. The least-expensive one has been taken out (Pickup) leaving these four:

  • Rx7 Sports Car
  • 626 Sedan
  • 323 Sedan
  • 626 Sport Coupe

DD chooses the RX7, Jan and Lynn.

1…2…3…

Sorry, but she’ll try again tomorrow.

Images of game board based on original by FromEquestria2LA on Deviantart.

Hollywood Squares is owned by King World Productions a part of CBS Media Ventures.